UNFADING LOVE: SECRETS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LOVE RELATIONSHIP (LOVE SECRET 1)

UNFADING LOVE: SECRETS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LOVE RELATIONSHIP (LOVE SECRET 1)

  November 15, 2018    InspireForte Solutions

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SECRETS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LOVE RELATIONSHIP

Why do the love relationship experiences of people differ? Many people enjoy while others endure in their love relationships. Many people get into a relationship, walk down the aisle and live blissfully, while others live through hell and later regret and wish they were never in the relationship. Domestic violence, sexual assault and abuse, conflict and painful separations have become the order of the day in our society. But the question is “why do people suffer in love relationship?”. The reason is because they make the wrong choices as a result of lack of knowledge. I’ll be doing a series and sharing the secrets you need to know about love relationship from my new book: “UNFADING LOVE: Secrets you need to know about love relationship”.

LOVE SECRET 1 - THE SKY-VIEW

“Good relationships don’t just happen. It involves deliberate actions taken in a desired direction by two people who really and genuinely want to be together”

It is often said that no one is an island. We all need the inputs of people to become who we want to be. Research indicates that strong relationships contribute to health at any age. A review of 148 studies found out that people with strong social relationships are 50% less likely to die prematurely. In our journey through life, it is expedient we realize that our relationships influence us a great deal. In fact as humans, we all crave for and certainly need close relationships regardless of age, sex, nationality and color. Without relationships, life is empty. In truth, we are wired for relationships by God – for a relationship with Him through salvation, for a relationship with family/life partners through blood, and a relationship with friends through interests. While some relationships have blossomed into beautiful unions, some others have ended badly – causing scars, pains, disappointments, fears and regrets.

THE ESSENCE OF DATING

The Bible in Hosea 4:6(GNT) says: “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…”

Many failures in dating relationships are products of ignorance. Their understanding of the essence and demands of dating was shallow and clearly they were not prepared for that level of commitment. Your understanding of the concept of dating will help you in making the right choice on whom to be committed to. Knowledge is good, but your ability to apply knowledge is power. This is made possible through clarity – good understanding of what you’re getting into and how it can affect your whole life.

“YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT OF DATING

WILL HELP YOU IN MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE

ON WHOM TO BE COMMITTED TO”

What is dating?

The word ‘dating’ means different things to different people. But the most common understanding of this word is described “as a stage in the development of a relationship between two people who often spend time together in order to explore their sexual or romantic compatibility”.

According to Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia: “Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship or marriage.”

Dating is a level of commitment that should be purposeful and intentional. Even though you’ve dated for a long time, you still end up marrying a stranger. Dating is a new concept with a lot of perks and pitfalls. Undoubtedly, the truth is that we all want to be loved and be involved in a relationship that will end in a blissful marriage, which is good, but if you are desperate about it you might end up making the choosing the wrong person as a life partner.

“DATING IS A CONCEPT WITH A LOT OF

PERKS AND PITFALL”

Here are 5 things you need to consider in dating

1. PURPOSE : Purpose is simply defined as the reason or intent for a particular thing. There are two points you need to be ponder with regards to purpose

1. Know where the relationship is leading to:

Defining the purpose of your proposed relationship is very important. What does he/she really want from the relationship? Is the person purpose-driven? Motivational Speaker and Author, Myles Munroe once wrote: “If purpose is not discovered, abuse is inevitable”. Knowing if the person really wants you as much as you want him/her are very important. Another vital consideration is why he/she wants you. Does he/she want you just to help solve loneliness issues, to satisfy their sexual needs, for show-off, for financial gains, for fun/pleasure hangouts, or for looks? Are they interested and intentional about dating you with the purpose of it leading to marriage.? Don’t get carried away by the sweet words, do well to know the needed before accepting to date a person. Don’t board a flight that is going nowhere.

2. Is the person on the path of self-discovery?

There was a movie I watched few years ago about a young couple who had everything all rosy in their dating relationship and eventually got married. The early stage of their marital affair was sensational as they shared an undying love for each other. Soon afterwards, the walls of their marriage began to crack because the woman wanted to practice her professional career as a lawyer. Hell was let loose as the husband wouldn’t have that happen. To him if she was to do that, this meant less attention to family matters. Consequently, this led to their divorce as both of them couldn’t agree. Here’s my point – many frustrations in relationships are as a result of undiscovered purpose. Don’t date someone who’s not ready to discover his/her God-given purpose. We were all created by God for, by and with a purpose. He created us all for a reason which defines our lives and existence here on earth. The discovery of our God-given purpose helps us to live intentionally. The issue with this is that when you date someone that is not on the path of self-discovery, the person will definitely slow down the pace of your life progress. Many dreams, careers and visions have been frustrated and destroyed as a result of undiscovered purpose. American Philosopher and Psychologist, Abraham Maslow in his major works on “Motivation and Personality”, and “Toward a Psychology of Being” initiated the theory on the hierarchy of needs. He pointed out that the first need of every human is self-actualization – the need to discover who you are and what you are capable of doing and becoming. This is key for anyone who wants to be in a relationship commitment.

2. LIVE AND ENJOY BEING SINGLE : When the subject of “being single” is raised, many people view it as a life of boredom, loneliness and or living without a partner. The society has formed a myth for people to believe that being single is the worst thing that can happen to a person. Young people have been brainwashed with the fallacies that they need to be in love relationship to be fulfilled. The word single has more than just one meaning, but I’ll give you the best definition:

“Being single simply means being intra-dependant or self-dependant. It is the ability to live and be fulfilled without been dependent on anyone”.

It is expedient you realize that for you to enjoy a successful relationship, you need to understand and also connect with someone who knows what it means to be single. Don’t date anyone who is solely dependent on you. One of the deadly killers of love relationships is unfulfilled expectations. Many people go into relationships thinking their partner is the solution to their numerous problems and needs. They feel incomplete or unfulfilled without their partner and depend so much on the person. Unfortunately for them, things turn out differently and their love turns sour. Don’t date anyone whose weight of expectations will pull you down. Relationship is a vacuum; whatever the partners decide to put into it, is what it will eventually be. There must be an agreement between you two that individually you both have a part to play to make the relationship work. It is not a one-person show. You both need to jointly drive the ship of your love to where you want it to be. The Bible sheds more light on this in Amos 3:3(GNT):“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”

“SINGLENESS SIMPLY MEANS BEING

INTRA-DEPENDENT

OR SELF-DEPENDENT.

IT IS THE ABILITY TO LIVE AND BE

FULFILLED WITHOUT BEING

DEPENDENT ON ANYONE”

If you both don’t share similar ideas in this regard or your thoughts are not in sync, then there is no need for a love relationship. Date a helper and a life builder, someone that is ready to build a future with you, and really complements you sweetly.

2. CHARACTER IS IMPORTANT : Character creates a foundation upon which the structure of your life can be built. Leadership Expert, John c. Maxwell wrote this on character: “People are like icebergs. There’s much more to them than meets the eye. When you look at an iceberg, only about 15% is visible – that’s reputation. The rest – their character is below the surface, hidden. It’s what they think and never share with others. It’s what they do when no one is watching them,”

So, what is character?

Character is who you are when no one is watching. It is who you are in the dark when no one sees you. It is the product of our everyday choices.

I quite agree with John Maxwell. What we see people as is not exactly what and who they really are. People might appear nice, gentle, respectful, and even Godly, but on the inside they are deadly. Their public reputation is not in sync with their private doings. How well you know the character of your potential date or the person you’re currently dating is important. Character issue is a major home/relationship breaker. Most people tend to discover the real character of their partners after years of having their heads and hearts played with in fool’s paradise. A bad character is like a flat tyre, it can’t take you anywhere.

Here are the four cores that make up character

1. SELF-DISCIPLINE

Self-discipline is the training of the training of the body and the mind to achieve a goal. It is also the ability to do what is right even when you don’t feel like doing it. Being disciplined in a relationship certainly means being able to guard your thoughts, control your desires and weigh your actions. If your partner can get this right, then it’s a good one for both of you, if not then dark clouds will gather over the relationship. The Bible shares in 1 Corinthians 10:23(GNT) :

“All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify.”

2. CORE VALUES

Core values are those things you consider right for yourself. It gives order and structure to your life, and so it does to a relationship. Are the core values of you and your partner in sync with God’s standards for a relationship? It is either you follow God’s standards by choice or the world’s standards by default. The Bible in Philippians 4:8(GNT) says:

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things.”

“John Maxwell refers to core values as a guiding light during the darkest moments”. Deep words from him and do well ponder on this.

3. A SENSE OF IDENTITY:

How consistent is your partner in words and deeds? Is he/she a chameleon that changes its color wherever it goes or as pure as a dove? A sense of identity is very important to our lives. Even Jesus Christ during his earthly ministry understood the need for a sense of identity when he asked his disciples two deep questions: “Who do men say that I am?” and “Who do you say that I am?”. Their response was positive. What do people say about him/her? How do people see him/her. Don’t get caught in a web that might later become too strong to pull down. No matter how hard they try to pretend, it won’t be long before their colors show. Listen and watch carefully and you will know the right one for you .

     d. INTEGRITY

Integrity is the pathway to honor. It is the ability to stay true to your deepest and strongest convictions regardless of circumstances. The Bible in Proverbs 10:9(GNT):

“Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out”.

The currency for integrity is trust. Can you trust the person enough to give and spend the rest of your life with him/her? Is the person reliable to confide in? Does the person live in secrecy or open to tell you things that concerns him/her? If otherwise, then don’t date.

“CHARACTER IS WHO YOU ARE IN

THE DARK WHEN NO

ONE SEES YOU.”

4. FINANCE

Knowing your partner’s attitude towards money is important. Is he/she a spendthrift or a good manager of resources? Does he /she have an insatiable desire to make money at all cost? Tread carefully before you become a victim of evil schemes. Is the person willing to commit financially to the building of the relationship? This is very crucial to avoid disappointments and frustrations. According to research, differences over money is one of the top reasons for marital dissolution.

5. START WITH FRIENDSHIP:

Friendship is a sweet form of relationship that if true can lead to endless possibilities. Deep within our hearts is a desire to connect with another individual. The problem is that we live in a fast-paced world that we rarely have time to develop and sustain meaningful friendships. But the truth is that best romantic relationships are products of great friendships. In fact, it is advisable you marry your friend. Why?, this is because you both share a bond and also know much about each other. To enjoy an amazing relationship that will blossom into a blissful union, lean on these principles. Let me share this great quote by Great Evangelist, Billy Graham: “God is more interested in your future and relationships than you are.” Think about it, it’s a food for thought.

----- By NWOSU J. OBICHI

Motivational Speaker & Author